Christmas. Christmas Never Changes.

No Regrets, Examined

Tim addresses a question he gets frequently: does he regret anything? His answer is consistently no, but he takes time to genuinely examine why.

What If He'd Stayed at Interplay?

Fallout 2 might have been a different game — better or worse depending on who you ask. But Tim believes Interplay's downfall was already inevitable. The trajectory was set. Fallout would still have been sold to Bethesda. The key difference: there would have been no Troika. No Arcanum, no Temple of Elemental Evil, no Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines. For many fans, at least one of those games is something they deeply care about.

What About Carbine?

Carbine was one of the most traumatic experiences of Tim's career — the only time he encountered people who weren't trying to make a good game, but were instead focused on advancing their own careers at any cost. Yet Carbine also introduced him to some of the best developers he'd ever work with: brilliant programmers, incredible artists, cool designers. The trauma also led to deep self-understanding — after leaving Carbine, he refused game director positions for years.

The Obsidian Chain

Without Carbine's difficult lessons, Tim might never have gone to Obsidian. That would mean no South Park: The Stick of Truth (his first console game), no Pillars of Eternity (his first Kickstarter project), and no The Outer Worlds — possibly the last original IP he'll ever create. He's proud of all of it and wouldn't want any of it erased.

Young People and the Illusion of Certainty

Tim offers a pointed observation about youth: young people believe the way they think now is the way they will always think. They're convinced they have the correct moral and ethical stance on everything and will never be proven wrong.

He quotes singer-songwriter Chenado Connor: "We were so young then. We thought that everything we could possibly do was right."

The warning: you will eventually become the older person who's frustrated that things have changed. Tim remembers thinking he'd never be like that. He acknowledges some things used to be better, some used to be worse. The key is embracing change rather than fighting it.

Change Is Frightening — and Worth It

Tim is candid: change frightens him, and it confuses him much of the time. But he embraces it because change has been responsible for so many good things in his life that he refuses to give them up. He'll accept the bad that comes with it rather than lose the good.

Christmas, Family, and Loss

The biggest change in Tim's Christmas is the loss of his mother. She was the one who made Christmas happen — the secular celebration of gifts, family, food, lights, and decorations. She was the reason everyone gathered. Without her, Christmas is fundamentally different.

Tim reflects on being at an age where he's losing family members and friends from both his birth family and his chosen family. It's not good, and he doesn't want it, but he understands: that's life.

The Santa Mug

One thing that hasn't changed: a ceramic Santa mug made by his grandmother Glattis in her basement ceramic studio. Tim's mom kept it — through houses and apartments and moves. Now Tim has it, and it's traveled with him from Southern California to Washington and back. It's a small, permanent thing in a life defined by change, and he loves his mom for preserving it.

Tim's Advice

Whatever you do for the holidays — Christmas or otherwise — enjoy them. But also accept all the changes that come.

References

• Tim Cain. YouTube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8Y47KyYvjs