Impostor Syndrome

What Impostor Syndrome Is

Tim defines it as that nagging feeling that you can't do your job, can't do it right, can't do it well, can't get it done in time — and that eventually you're going to be found out for the fraud you are. If you don't know what this is, he says, you're lucky.

Tim's Personal Experience

Tim felt impostor syndrome for roughly the first 15 years of his career. Even after shipping several games — including work on Bard's Tale Construction Set and Rags to Riches — he constantly felt like he didn't belong, like he wasn't good enough to be in the group. This persisted until the development of Fallout. He still feels it occasionally.

What Causes It

Novelty and Uncertainty

If game development is new to you professionally, insecurity is completely natural. A big chunk of game development is still an art, not a science — you can't just read a book and become a game developer. Some of it you have to feel your way through.

Being Surrounded by Brilliant People

Game development attracts really smart people. Tim has constantly encountered people who were better programmers, better designers, or better at the specific thing he was trying to do — better AI programmers, better UI programmers, better game mechanic designers. At Carbine, he met probably the smartest person he's ever met in his life. This will keep happening your whole career, so manage that expectation now.

The "Only As Good As Your Last Game" Culture

The industry — reviewers, players, fans, and even your own colleagues — often considers you only as good as your last game. If you haven't shipped yet, some people don't consider you good at all. If you ship a bad game: "Aha, I knew you were bad." If you ship a good game: "It's a one-off, you're a flash in the pan." If your games improve and then one dips slightly: "The decline has set in, you were always bad." Even success gets dismissed with "it wasn't really you, it was the group."

How It Manifests

Constant Struggling and Perfectionism

Some people never think their work is good enough. They always want to redo it, never finish it — they do most of the work but stop before completion because then it would have to be submitted and judged.

Belittling Others' Ideas

Some redirect insecurity outward by putting down other people's ideas. Tim connects this to his brainstorming video — the people who constantly dismissed others' suggestions often turned out to be the most insecure. Their logic: "If I put down other people's ideas, maybe mine won't seem as bad." They also tend to get angry when their own ideas receive even constructive critique.

Aggressive Career Advancement

Insecure people sometimes try to advance rapidly, thinking a senior or lead title will make them safe from being let go. Tim has also watched insecure people try to eliminate perceived competition by belittling colleagues they recognize as more talented.

Believing Lies

An odd pattern Tim has observed: insecure people often believe whatever lies are told to them, either because the lies make them feel better or because agreeing with a liar (especially someone above them) feels important for their standing. They'll cling to easily disprovable claims rather than verify them — even when confirmation would be trivial, like asking the person sitting next to them.

Forum Behavior

This isn't limited to developers. Game forums are full of people — especially those who've never made a game — who enter with "brilliant" ideas, can't believe developers aren't using them, and dismiss everyone else's ideas. They seem incredibly self-possessed, but they're probably incredibly insecure, and that arrogance is their projected way of dealing with it.

How to Combat It

Remember: You Were Hired

If you're an employee, you were vetted by people with more experience than you and found adequate or better. They decided "this is somebody we want on our team." Try to remember that every day.

Talk to Your Peers

Talk to the people you work with. If you're indie, go to conferences and talk to peers there. You'll often find they're thinking the same things you are, they have good coping strategies, and just knowing everybody's in the same boat makes you feel better.

Talk to Your Boss

A good boss critiques your work not because it's bad, but because they see potential in it. Tim shares an anecdote about Leonard Boyarsky's art school experience: his teacher critiqued him harshly, then explained "I'm critiquing you because you're good and I think you could be great. There are other people in here who are just okay and will never be better — why would I even give them critiques?" View your boss's feedback as their effort to make you a better developer. Every boss wants their team to improve.

Find a Mentor

Tim admits he was never overly successful at finding mentors himself, but the industry is much bigger now. Look for someone at your company or another company who actively works in your area — a network programmer if you do networking, an RPG mechanic designer if that's your focus. Conferences and roundtables are great for this. Find someone whose development philosophy aligns with yours and ask them questions.

Reframe Failure

Failure is an opportunity to improve. Games that came out of the gate really good taught Tim less about being a good developer than games that received criticism and lower review scores. When you fail, you learn a lot about how to improve. When you succeed, you're not really sure how to make it even better. Viewing failure as a learning opportunity also helps deal with the insecurity itself.

References

• Tim Cain. YouTube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ht25L6fzEYQ