Insecurity

tim-cain insecurity impostor-syndrome game-development leadership team-dynamics self-reflection

Abstract

Problem: How does a successful game developer inadvertently make colleagues feel insecure, and can anything be done about it?

Approach: Tim Cain reflects on a conversation with a former Carbine Studios programmer who admitted that working with Tim made him feel insecure, despite the programmer's own impressive credentials (including work on World of Warcraft).

Findings: Insecurity in teammates is often fueled by comparison with a more accomplished colleague. Attempts by the accomplished person to "fix" this can actually reinforce the insecurity. Like game design, where no feature pleases everyone, no leader or colleague can be universally comfortable to work with. Impostor syndrome must ultimately be overcome by the individual experiencing it.

Key insight: There is no "one size fits all" in game design or in working relationships — some people will feel insecure around you regardless of your intentions, and that is something you may have to accept rather than fix.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Q3sMpSOxmo

Why People Didn't Like Working With Tim

Tim opens by acknowledging feedback he's received throughout his career: some colleagues didn't enjoy working with him. The two most common reasons were:

  • Passionate idea advocacy — Tim gets very excited about his own ideas, which can inadvertently dismiss others' contributions. When he's enthusiastically pitching, other people's suggestions get brushed aside.
  • Disproportionate attention — Whether in brainstorming meetings or press visits, Tim naturally attracted more attention, which frustrated teammates who felt overlooked.

Tim recognizes these tendencies and notes they stem from the same intense enthusiasm that lets him produce daily YouTube content from a 40+ year career.

The Carbine Programmer's Confession

The core of the video centers on a conversation Tim had with a programmer from Carbine Studios (where Tim worked on WildStar). This programmer, who had worked on World of Warcraft, admitted: "You made me feel insecure."

Tim was surprised — how could someone who'd shipped WoW feel insecure? The programmer explained:

  • Everything he had accomplished, Tim had done more of and better
  • Tim had written multiple engines, created the Fallout IP, and had decades of experience
  • Even though there was a third programmer at Carbine who they both agreed was the smartest person they'd ever met, the programmer at least had more experience than that person — but he didn't even have that edge over Tim

The programmer described wrapping himself in an "armor of insecurity" — a defensive shell built from feelings of inadequacy.

Why Tim Can't Fix It

The Carbine programmer offered a crucial insight: any attempt by Tim to disarm this insecurity would only strengthen it. It wasn't on Tim to fix. The programmer drew a parallel to game design:

  • In game design, you can't create features that everyone loves. For every person who loves turn-based combat, someone else hates it. For every fan of encumbrance systems, there's a detractor.
  • Similarly, not everyone will enjoy working with you, and there may simply be no fix for that.

This bothers Tim's "programmer brain," which wants a solution to every problem. His designer side wonders if there's some way to break through. But the answer may be: there isn't one.

The Paradox of Success and Credit

The programmer pointed out that Tim's prior success was itself a source of insecurity for others. Tim already had proven wins behind him, while his colleagues at Carbine were still chasing their big success. Tim was perceived as an obstacle — someone who made others feel like smaller cogs in the machine.

Even though Tim doesn't take credit and actively credits his teams, other people give him credit anyway. When fans call him "Father of Fallout," original Fallout team members bristle — and Tim didn't invent that title. If even the Fallout team, where everyone got along well, reacts this way, Tim can only imagine how it feels for people who didn't get along with him.

Impostor Syndrome Goes Both Ways

Tim connects insecurity to impostor syndrome, which he's experienced himself. He empathizes with the feeling of "I'm not good enough, I shouldn't be here." The fact that he unintentionally engenders these feelings in others horrifies him.

But Tim has also experienced the opposite — being underestimated, where people project inadequacy onto him. He's had harsh things said to him throughout his career, which he accepts as part of being in the industry for decades.

The Uncomfortable Conclusion

Tim returns to what the Carbine programmer told him: impostor syndrome is something each person must overcome on their own. No one will come along and prove to you that you belong.

The game design mantra applies to working relationships too: there is no one size fits all. No company is perfect for every employee. No manager is great for every report. Tim accepts — reluctantly — that he has caused insecurity in others and that there may be nothing he can do about it. It's a thought that has weighed on him for almost a year, and he admits: it's exhausting thinking like this.

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